


I Will Drink Life To The Lees

by shiny_glor_chan



Series: The Adventures of the Voyeur Shep and His Virmire Survivors [2]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Blow Jobs, Cunnilingus, Dirty Talk, F/M, Infiltrator (Mass Effect), M/M, Mako - Freeform, Mass Effect 1, Mass Effect Kink Meme, Multi, Pegging, Strap-Ons, Threesome - F/M/M, Virmire Survivors both surviving, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-11
Updated: 2012-11-11
Packaged: 2017-11-18 09:55:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/559697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shiny_glor_chan/pseuds/shiny_glor_chan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(AU after Virmire where both Ash and Kaidan survive): Ash and Kaidan are both glad to be alive, and it leads to something more. Unbeknownst to them, Shepard has been secretly watching them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Will Drink Life To The Lees

**Author's Note:**

> Mass Effect Kink Meme Prompt:
> 
>  
> 
> [Shepard accidentally discovers Kaidan and Ashley in the act and gets very turned on. If they notice Shepard or not or Shepard interrupts is up to Anon. Bonus Points: Pegging Dirty talk somehow involving Shep Awkward morning after](http://masseffectkink.livejournal.com/5367.html?thread=19910903#t19910903)
> 
>  
> 
> I got almost all the bonus points. Does just awkward after count without the morning? Because Shep and Kaidan sure cover awkward. Yeah. >>;; Oh, boys. Definite pegging and dirty talk. Ash has kinks, so yeah. Also, this took forever and became a monster. It was like...porn porn, CHARACTER FEELS, porn porn, SHOCK, porn porn. >>;; Or something.
> 
> Before I titled this fic here, it used to be named "The Porn That Never Ends". >>;; The title is from "Ulysses". Any and all Ash fans will recognize it. I decided on it since it means to live life to the fullest. <3
> 
> And special thanks to [Jeanette](http://shatteredclocks.tumblr.com/) because she's awesome and kept me wanting to write this fic. <3

“Hey, LT. How many regs do you think we're breaking?” 

“At least half a dozen.”

Shepard stopped himself before he could turn the corner. He could hear Ash and Kaidan speaking in hushed tones just a few meters away. The cargo bay fell all but silent, just the quiet sounds of lips smacking wetly against lips. If he peaked around the corner, he wondered what kind of regulation breaking he would see, even though he knew. Curiosity won out over everything else to actually _see_.

“Backing out then, Alenko?” Ash asked cheekily, her hand resting just above the curve of Kaidan's ass, as if to make a point. “Wanna pretend that kiss never happened?”

Kaidan scrunched up his nose before he wrapped his arm around Ash's waist and pulled her flush against him. “One of us would have died today, if it weren't for Shepard's quick thinking, Ash,” he murmured. “So right now, I'm on board with saying to hell with regulations.”

“Sure that isn't the concussion talking?” she retorted. “We both know how by the book you are.”

Shepard smiled a little to himself, knowing that wasn't quite true once Kaidan explained his past. “You don't know me that well, yet. I've broken regs in the past,” Kaidan replied. “Are _you_ sure you don't want to back out? I won't hold it against you, Ash, if we've taken this too far.

Ash scowled then yanked Kaidan's head down by his hair and kissed him, hard and fast. Shepard swallowed. He couldn't leave now. Well, no, he could, but with his fellow Alliance soldiers kissing like they had almost died today (which one of them almost did), Shepard couldn't pull his eyes away. Not when the fatigues fell to the ground nor when Ash hopped up, legs wrapped around Kaidan before he pressed into her, keeping her weight up with the wall behind her.

 _...I should go_ , Shepard thought, his eyes fixed on Kaidan's shoulders at first, trailing down to his backside, flexing as he rhythmically fucked Ash against the wall.

And that had been the first night Shepard watched his fellow soldiers find comfort in each others' arms. He told himself the subsequent nights had been accidents as well, but after a while, it had been difficult to keep deceiving himself. After a while, he knew when the shuttle bay would be empty, and that would be when he'd find his Staff Lieutenant and Gunnery Chief together.

“I've got a surprise for you tonight, LT,” Ash teased, holding up a small knapsack. “Might wanna get the Mako comfortable.”

Kaidan raised an eyebrow. “What do you have planned?” he asked curiously. “Not that I've objected to any of your ideas thus far, it's just... Uh, anything that leaves marks-”

Ash interrupted him with a laugh. “Oooh, Kaidan,” she murmured, kissing him on the cheek. “I think you might be kinkier than me. I only have a strap on. What were you thinking?”

A flush rose high on Kaidan's cheeks. “Ash...” he said in a warning tone that was ruined by his slightly flustered appearance before clearing his throat. “So, was that what the fingering was about then?”

“Just testing the waters,” Ash replied, a seductive smirk playing across her lips. “And you seemed to appreciate it, _a lot_.”

Shepard had to agree with Ash, from the breathy noises Kaidan had tried to keep from escaping his lips during the last session he spied on. He had taken his tactical cloak with him the last few times, and Shepard got a better view because after the first time, Ash and Kaidan had started to use the Mako for their trysts. Otherwise, he would have missed it.

He knew he should feel guilty about watching his teammates in such a fashion, and Shepard did, when his head wasn't fogged with lust. “Ash, just...uh, I need to be able to _walk_ tomorrow,” Kaidan told her, a wry smile on his lips.

“No problem, LT. It's not _that_ big,” she answered cheekily. “Actually, you might know it. I mean, if you peek at all in the showers.”

Kaidan's eyes widened, and Shepard almost tripped as he climbed into the Mako to get into a good hiding position. “Wait, what did you get?” Kaidan asked, voice hushed before grabbing for the bag.

Ash dodged and climbed into the Mako, after Shepard had luckily gotten out of the way, narrowly. “You'll see,” she said, her tone almost sing-song. “Get in and close the door, Kaidan.”

Kaidan grumbled to himself as he grabbed the blankets they hid in one of the never used backseat storage compartments of the Mako and spread it out. “Ash, please tell me you didn't do what I think you did.”

“And what do you think I did?” Ash asked as she pulled out the dildo, that Shepard noticed was a rather good replica of his penis. 

“ _Ash_! That's-! Uhh...” he trailed off when Ash placed the dildo in his hands. “Why am I holding...this?”

 _Great question, Kaidan! Ash, please answer his question_ , Shepard begged in his head. _I mean, now I'm thinking about his hands on my- Okay, need to stop that train of thought. I'm in a bad enough spot as is..._

“So I can get undressed,” Ash stated as she began to unlace her boots. “Might as well get familiar with it now. Anyway, the Commander won't find out, so just breathe, Kaidan.”

“He'll know!” Kaidan exclaimed as Shepard thought, _Oh, I know, all right. Damn._

Ash tossed her boots aside with a sigh. “Maybe we should hold off then. I didn't think you'd be this freaked about it. Are you freaking out because it's the Commander, and that'd be awkward, or because you really like him, and it's turning you on?”

Kaidan fell silent, and Shepard stared at Kaidan, trying to mentally will him to answer. _Kaidan, I... Just say something. I need to know now..._ Shepard thought to himself, keeping himself from reaching out for Kaidan.

“It's the latter, but Ash, we both know that doesn't matter. And you have a thing for him too,” he replied as Ash pulled off her shirt. “Don't tell me you don't.”

“I would do the Commander in a minute if I thought he was interested in breaking regs with me,” Ash replied easily as she reached to take off her pants. “I don't lie to myself about that, and neither should you. At least, not with me.”

Kaidan swallowed thickly, putting his hands on Ash's waist. “I try not to think about it,” he replied as he let his hands slide down to unbuckle her fatigues. “It makes it bearable.”

Ash and Shepard frowned simultaneously. “Kaidan, with me, just let it out.” She paused for a moment as she shimmied out of her pants, kicking them aside before putting her hands on Kaidan's. “For tonight, pretend I'm Shepard.”

“What?” Kaidan asked in shock just as Shepard thoughts sputtered to form the same question.

“Just for tonight, you can pretend,” Ash told him, squeezing one of his hands with her own. “Get it out, if only for tonight. If it doesn't help, I'll let you go back to pretending you don't want the Commander to fuck you against the Mako.”

Kaidan took a sharp breath before running his hands up Ash's sides. “I don't really think I have a creative enough imagination to pretend you're not a woman, Ash,” he said quietly as he cupped her breasts. “I don't ever really want to pretend you're not.”

“Okay,” Ash murmured, “then pretend we're both here.”

Shepard froze, staring at Ash. _She can't possibly know I'm here...right...?_ he thought in a panic.

“What?” Kaidan questioned.

“Just pretend it's both of us. You know, my hands on your body,” she stated as her cups him through his fatigues, “and Shepard's cock pounding your ass.”

Kaidan and Shepard both swallowed thickly. “Okay,” he replied breathlessly, licking his lips and taking a breath to repeat himself more clearly. “Okay. So, I better strip down for...the Commander then.”

Ash grinned. “You really should, sir,” she answered as she unhooked her bra. “I wouldn't keep the Commander waiting. You know how impatient he can be.”

 _Yes, Kaidan don't keep me waiting..._ Shepard thought before berating himself as he watched Ash slip out of her panties. _This is only a role play. They'd never actually tell me about this..._

Kaidan stripped down to his skivvies in record time. Ash grinned, tossing hers at him before gesturing impatiently for him to remove his as well. Shepard quietly shifted in his hiding place, trying to make himself comfortable while simultaneously attempting to ignore his erection. 

“Don't you need to get ready, Ash?” Kaidan asked, motioning to the dildo and the leather harness next to it.

“You can help me with it,” Ash stated as she slipped the dildo into the harness before sliding it on. “Tighten the straps in back for me.”

Kaidan nodded, doing as he was told as Shepard stared at the dildo shaped to look like his own prick. Whoever sold these dildos had even gotten the shade about right. It made Shepard think about who could have gotten that kind of information, but his thoughts derailed once the harness was in place, and Ash started speaking again.

“On your knees, LT. Show the Commander how much you love his cock,” Ash stated.

“Uh, yeah,” Kaidan murmured, getting a sharp look from Ash as he dropped to his knees. “Yessir, Commander.”

Shepard swallowed thickly. He should go. He should really, really go. They had never brought him into their trysts before. Being here already crossed so many lines, but even if Shepard wanted to leave, he couldn't; he was trapped since Ash and Kaidan would definitely notice the Mako door opening. He just couldn't make himself look away as Kaidan took his cock – no, the dildo shaped like his cock – into his mouth, just lapping at the head.

Ash's hands slid into Kaidan's thick hair, mussing as her finger tangled in it and slightly encouraging Kaidan to take more into his mouth. “That's right. You think you can handle more, Kaidan? I bet you can. Bet you'd love sucking the Commander's cock with that mouth of yours. How far can you take him, cocksucker?”

Kaidan moaned as he took it deeper into his mouth, and Shepard unconsciously palmed himself through his fatigues. Ash murmured more dirty encouragements as her eyes never left Kaidan's bobbing head, and Shepard strained to hear them.

When Ash's hands gripped Kaidan's hair, Kaidan pulled off with an obscene pop. “I think Shepard is ready for the main event, don't you, Kaidan?” Ash asked before bending down to grab the package of lube from her bag. “Prepare yourself for him.”

Kaidan took the lube before making himself comfortable on the blanket he had laid out for them earlier. “What about you, Ash?” Kaidan asked quietly. “I don't want-”

“After,” Ash interrupted as she knelt down in front of him and gave him a nice, long, kiss. “I expect your mouth to do a lot of work later, don't worry.”

Kaidan huffed out a chuckle, laying a hand on her cheek in a caress before pulling away. Ash rolled her eyes, snatching the lube to squeeze it out on Kaidan's fingers. Shepard just watched in awe how close his two fellow Alliance soldiers were, and yet, they still entertained the idea of him joining them. He had no idea how he factored in when they had each other.

After finally pressing the first finger in, Kaidan squirmed a bit as he moved his finger inside himself. “Need some help there, LT?” Ash asked with a smirk.

“No,” Kaidan responded, face flushed. “I just...it's awkward being watched doing this...”

Ash placed her hand on his free hand. “From what I see, it's looking pretty hot, actually.”

He gave her a skeptical look as he slid another finger in. “If you say so, Ash. Personally, I doubt the Commander would find this hot...”

 _I'm about to burst a blood vessel in a very sensitive area. I think I'm enjoying this just fine, Kaidan_ , Shepard thought, biting the inside of his cheek to keep quiet as he slowly started to stroke himself through his fatigues.

“Would you find it hot if Shepard was preparing himself for you?” Ash questioned.

Kaidan paused his ministrations. “I- Maybe. Ash, I told you I try really hard not to think about it.”

“And I told you tonight, for one night, is all about thinking about it,” she countered. “So, how hot would it make you to see the Commander fingering himself to get ready for your cock?”

Kaidan fell silent as Shepard held his breath. “Okay, yeah, it'd be hot. I get it,” Kaidan murmured as he began to scissor his fingers. “I think I'd find it difficult not to jerk off at the sight, okay?”

 _Very, very difficult_ , Shepard thought in response as he willed himself to not just shuck his pants and skivvies to really jerk off at the sight of Kaidan right then.

Ash's grin turned devious as she squeezed some lube onto her fingers before she leaned to down to help. “Glad you can admit it,” she told him as her fingers paused at his thighs. “Need some help there?”

Kaidan rolled his eyes fondly. “You're eager to get started,” he replied as he nodded his consent. “How long have you been planning this? Actually, how did you get that...toy?”

Slowly joining Kaidan's, Ash pressed one of her own fingers inside his ass. “What, I'm supposed to give away all my secrets, now?” she asked teasingly as she pressed in deep and crooked her finger a bit.

Kaidan's breath caught. “This one, yes,” he said as he felt a small shudder pass through him. “I mean... That's custom, right?”

Shepard's gaze fell on Ash, inwardly begging for an answer for both his curiosity and peace of mind. “Uhhh,” Ash began bashfully. “There's a fan site, actually...”

“I don't want to know, do I?” Kaidan asked as he and Ash kept moving their fingers. “I, ahh, yeah. I don't want to know.”

 _I have fan sites like that...?_ Shepard thought questioningly.

“No, you do not,” Ash replied. “Ready or should we use another finger?”

“I'm good,” he answered as he twisted his fingers and pulled them out, followed by Ash pulling out hers. “How would the...Commander like me?”

 _On your hands and knees, Kaidan_ , Shepard thought simultaneously with Ash's answer, “On your hands and knees, Kaidan.”

Shepard stared at Ash, wondering how she knew, but maybe they were just more alike in this than either of them knew. Kaidan shifted to his hands and knees, facing away from Ash and almost looking in Shepard's direction. Shepard stilled his hand as Ash moved behind Kaidan after lubing up the dildo then rubbing it between his asscheeks.

Kaidan bit back a small moan as Ash position the head of the dildo at his entrance. “Ready for the Commander, LT? Because I'm sure he's ready for you,” Ash murmured as she gave a quick kiss to the back of Kaidan's neck.

“Yes,” he replied in a low tone then, “yessir, Commander Shepard, sir.”

Those words sent a jolt of arousal straight to Shepard's cock that had already been straining his fatigues. Shepard shifted as quietly as possible, and his eyes never left the sight of Kaidan and Ash as she slowly pushed inside him. Kaidan groaned, and Ash placed a hand on his hip to steady them both.

“It feel as good as you've imagined?” Ash asked as she finally pushed in to the hilt.

Kaidan nodded. “Move, please, Ash,” he said before licking his lips.

“I can't control the Commander, Kaidan,” she teases as she rolled her hips forward.

“Ash,” Kaidan said, attempting a warning tone, but falling short of it as Ash began to move. “Nngh...”

Only a few thrusts, Ash stopped, pulling a frustrated groan from Kaidan's lips. “Maybe you need to beg a little,” Ash said, gripping Kaidan's hips to keep him from moving. “Yeah, I think the Commander would like to hear you beg for him.”

Shepard stared at Ash, his breath caught in his throat; just the thought of Kaidan begging for him was almost too much, and he couldn't imagine what _hearing_ Kaidan beg would be like. “You're evil,” Kaidan muttered uttered under his breath.

“I'm sorry, the Commander didn't hear you, lieutenant. Speak up a bit, or he may stop all together.”

“Please,” Kaidan murmured before swallowing thickly. “Please, Commander. I need you.”

“Need him to what, Kaidan?” Ash urged.

“Fuck me, Shepard. I need you to fuck me,” he replied, his face red and half-hidden in the crook of his arm. “Please...”

“Good answer,” Ash answered as she started up slow and steady thrusts that Kaidan moved into with a moan of relief.

Biting the inside of his cheek to keep from giving Kaidan a responding moan, Shepard quickly and quietly moved his pants and underwear low enough that he could free his cock. _Oh god, Kaidan... And Ash, when did you become so evil? I can't look away_ , Shepard thought as he jerked his cock slowly in time with Ash's thrusts.

Kaidan shifted his arm to reach for his cock when Ash smacked it away. “Let me do that, okay? Just concentrate on Shepard's cock pounding your ass,” she said as she reached down to start stroking Kaidan's cock.

A moan escaped Kaidan's lips as he buried his face in his arms and gave Ash a different angle to thrust at. Shepard kept all of his own sounds at bay, watching the replica of his cock thrust in and out of Kaidan and the way Kaidan moved back against it, his body begging as much as his mouth had did earlier. Ash's thrusts began to quicken as Kaidan's movements became jerkier, and Shepard could see the tension building up in Kaidan about to be released.

“Shepard!” Kaidan shouted as he came on Ash's hand and the blanket underneath him.

Shepard's own orgasm came soon after hearing his name shouted in ecstasy on Kaidan's lips. His harsh breaths were covered by Kaidan's, but as Shepard let his eyes close and he slid to relax bonelessly in the seat, he deactivated his tactical cloak.

“Shepard!” Ash shouted, pulling away from Kaidan in surprise.

Kaidan groaned from the suddenness and turned to look at her. “Ash, what-” he interrupted himself as he stared at his commander slouching in the seat in front him with his cock hanging out.

Shepard's eyes snapped open. “Shit!” he cursed when saw both Kaidan and Ash staring at him in shock, and he scrambled to pull his fatigues back up. “Uhhh...”

Silence fell over the Mako, and Shepard shifted awkwardly on his feet, trying to think of anything to say. Kaidan had grabbed a corner of the blanket he had been splayed on to cover his crotch on instinct as he looked away from his commanding officer while Ash just covered up her lap where the harness and dildo still were and crossed her arms across her chest.

“So,” Ash said, breaking the long silence and all eyes falling on her, “were you in the Mako before we got in here, or did you follow us in?”

Kaidan did not look at Shepard. “I... Technically, I went inside before you both did,” Shepard replied, rubbing the back of his neck with his clean hand. “But only just before you both did...”

“Wait, you've been watching for longer than just tonight, haven't you?” Ash questioned as Kaidan finally turned to Shepard.

“When?” he asked, his eyebrows scrunched together in confusion.

“That night after Virmire,” Shepard replied. “It was an accident the first time, but I found myself unable to look away. I had been so worried about the both of you. I thought I almost got one of you killed that day. Then I...guess I came down the next night, and after that, it became a habit.”

“So, the whole time,” Ash spoke up. “Why didn't you have us called in for breaking god knows how many regulations?”

“Everyone needs comfort,” Shepard answered, shaking his head. “I wasn't going to deny either of you that after all this. We're hardly an Alliance regulation mission anymore.”

“Then who comforts you?” Kaidan questioned quietly.

“My crew staying alive is enough for me,” Shepard said. “It has to be.”

“Shepard,” Ash said with a frown. “It doesn't have to be. I think it's pretty obvious from what you witnessed tonight that we want you, and if that could bring you comfort and regulations aren't the problem, then why not?”

Kaidan coughed, his face flushed. “Yeah, Ash is right. I mean, you just saw us, and I was begging for you... Clearly, neither of us would have a problem if you...joined our regulation breaking. You need to relax too, Commander.”

Shepard stared at Kaidan for a long moment. “You're not...upset I've been watching you both like this?”

“We never said that,” Ash stated as she stood up and shucked her harness, dildo and all. “I'm embarrassed as hell that we didn't find out before tonight, but damn if I'm going to let it ruin a great night. Get your ass over on this blanket, skipper.”

Shepard raised and eyebrow but nonetheless complied. “And you, Alenko? Not about to toss me across the Mako with your biotics?”

“Don't tempt me, Commander,” Kaidan warned. “I'm still...processing this, but I'm with Ash on this one. We'll figure it out later.” He paused then gave a small smile. “And I think you can call me Kaidan. You have seen more of me than most people do.”

Shepard awkwardly smiled back. “Okay. Then you both should call me John, since that is my name.”

“And call me Ash,” she stated as she sat next to Shepard. “Now that we have names out of the way, I'm thinking we've forgotten something tonight. Kaidan?”

Kaidan blinked. “Oh, Ash. Sorry, I didn't... Uh, how should-”

“Make out with John, and we can go from there,” Ash interrupted.

Shepard chuckled. “You're always in charge here, huh, Ash?”

Ash gave Shepard a steady stare. “Problem with that? Kaidan's been enjoying it thus far, and you've been watching us. I can cede control some times. Just not tonight, since if I let either of you run the show, we'd be here all night trying to figure out if we're all pissed off or not.”

“She has a good point,” Kaidan spoke up, “but I have a slight change to that plan. I think John's wearing too many clothes.”

Ash grinned, grabbing the back of Kaidan's neck to pull him in for a quick kiss. “Good, you're not just a pretty face,” she told him teasingly before she turned her gaze towards Shepard. “So, are you going to give us a show, or should we just strip you ourselves?”

Shepard chuckled, yanking his shirt over his head in one swift motion then spun it around. “Don't know if I can do this better than the asari Kaidan admires at Chora's Den, but...” he teased, gaining a scowl from Kaidan and a snort from Ash.

“Yeah, no,” Kaidan said as he began to glow. “I think you need some help.”

Shepard's eyes widened. “Wha-”

Kaidan cut him off by pressing his mouth hard against Shepard's, tongue seeking entrance. Shepard let his mouth open, and his tongue moved against Kaidan's as the biotics skimmed his body and pulled at the his fatigues and boots. He barely felt his clothing and boots pull away from his body and make a _thunk_ sound at the other end of the Mako, but all Shepard could really feel were Kaidan's lips and tongue against his own.

Ash made a pleased humming sound as the men broke their kiss. “I've been dreaming about that for a while,” she murmured, almost unintentionally and breathlessly.

“Really?” Shepard asked curiously. “What else do you dream about, Ash?”

Kaidan reached out and place a hand on Ash's thigh. “We'll make them come true.”

Ash barked out a laugh, punching Kaidan's arm lightly. “You sound so cheesy right now, you know that?”

“Tell us,” Kaidan responded earnestly. “You've been neglected a bit tonight.”

Ash took in a deep breath and stared at the men in front of her. “Both of you, eating me out,” she stated calmly. “Simultaneously.”

Shepard and Kaidan shared a looked before Shepard busted out a big grin. “We can do that. I may be a little rusty. I'm sure Kaidan can keep me in line.”

Kaidan rolled his eyes fondly. “Then follow my lead,” he replied as he leaned down, coaxing Ash to open her legs with his hands before nipping her thigh. “We're going to make you forget your own name tonight, Ash.”

“You can try,” Ash dared as Shepard nuzzling her stomach with his hand running up her other thigh. “Though, if I have any stubble burn after this, there'll be hell to pay, skipper.”

“Warning duly noted,” Shepard answered, sliding a hand to palm one of her breasts and leaning his head a bit lower.

Ash slid a hand onto Shepard's head just as Kaidan kissed her mound. “Mm, before you join Kaidan, I think I'd like to see how our illustrious commander kisses,” she announced, rubbing the back of Shepard's head.

Shepard grinned as shifted to press his lips against Ash's. She quickly opened her mouth against his, her tongue slipping into his mouth and battling his for dominance. Their tongues pushed back and forth, until Ash broke the kiss with a moan. Shepard quirked a questioning eyebrow, asking how his kissing skills scored.

“Okay, not bad on the kissing, skipper, but I think Kaidan's going to get top marks in oral,” she teased.

Kaidan chuckled against her thigh before licking up the length of her pussy lips. “Can't let Kaidan get higher marks than me,” Shepard announced as he shifted back down Ash's body. “No offense, Kaidan, but I play to win.”

Ash giggled, although she would deny that sound ever escaped her lips. “Oh, don't mind me. Compete all you like,” she murmured then gasped when Shepard's tongue joined Kaidan's. “I come out the winner no matter what.”

“You'll be com-” Shepard began to quip before Kaidan stopped him by firmly pressing his lips against Shepard's.

When Kaidan pulled away, Shepard blinked stupidly for a moment. “What...?”

“Someone has to stop you from making stupid puns,” Kaidan replied cheekily before leaning back down.

Shepard looked to Ash for some sympathy, and she just pushed his head back down. “Less puns, more licking, skipper.”

“Yes, ma'am,” he muttered in response as tongued her clit.

Ash made a satisfied noise in the back of her throat as she rested one hand on each man's head. Kaidan's and Shepard's tongues worked in tandem, licking and pressing inside her pussy. Shepard worked a finger inside her as his tongue met Kaidan's, and they shared a heated kiss for a few moments. Ash moaned as they licked her to orgasm after breaking their kiss. Panting for breath, she pressed their faces against her stomach.

“So,” Shepard said, looking up at Ash. “do I pass?”

She huffed a laugh. “It'd be unfair to grade separately, so A plus for you both,” she replied, completely blissed out and running her fingers through Kaidan's hair and Shepard's fuzz.

“I'm fine with that,” Kaidan answered, glancing at Shepard. “How about you?”

“Don't mind at all,” Shepard replied, rather pleased with Ash's ministrations.

“Oh god, our Commander is like a cat,” Ash said with a laughed. “Kaidan, is he purring?”

“Mmm, no, but I'm sure we'll find out if he purrs.” He paused, looking thoughtful. “Some other night, since I think you're putting John to sleep, Ash.”

“She's not,” Shepard said, a bit sleepily. “Alright, might be... But we can't fall asleep here.”

“A few minutes to bask in the afterglow won't hurt, skipper,” Ash said with a yawn. “No one will be down here for hours.”

The sound of the elevator arriving on their deck proved otherwise. “Shit,” Shepard cursed before covering his mouth then motioning to Ash and Kaidan to grab their clothes.

The foot steps came closer to the Mako, and when Shepard bent down to pull on his underwear, there was a metallic bang from inside the Mako's carriage. He spun around to see Kaidan looking bashful.

“Sorry, I, uh...tripped,” Kaidan whispered, carefully moving the toolkit back where it belonged.

 _“You need some calibrations, yes you do,”_ a sleepy voice said outside the Mako.

Ash pulled on her fatigues, getting dressed faster than the men since they distracted each other, and she placed her ear against the door to hear better. “I think...that's Vakarian,” she whispered to the others.

Shepard's brows furrowed as he pulled his shirt on and walked over to join Ash. “Middle of the night Mako calibrations?” he questioned in a whisper.

Kaidan soon joined them with a frown. “Is he...sweet talking the Mako...?”

Ash and Shepard shared a look. “Is this some kind of...turian thing, Commander?” she asked seriously.

“How should I know?” he replied quietly. “Do I look like a turian expert?”

“I don't think why is our problem so much as is he going to calibrate _inside_ the Mako?” Kaidan whispered urgently.

 _“Who's a good mass accelerator cannon?”_ Garrus' voice murmured followed by the sounds of parts of the cannon being moved.

“Is he asleep?” Ash asked incredulously. “He's _sleep_ calibrating.”

“Damn,” Kaidan muttered. “Waking up sleepwalkers is dangerous.”

Shepard sighed. “I guess we're trapped. We just have to hope he goes back to his sleeper pod _soon_.”

 _“Vakarian? What the hell? It's the middle of the sleep cycle, and I could hear you banging around from the engine room. Go back to sleep,”_ another voice spoke outside the Mako.

“Tali?” Ash whispered. “This is getting worse. It'd be like getting caught by one of my sisters.”

Kaidan and Shepard shushed her, earning a glare as they kept listening. _“Can it wait for a bit? I'm in the middle of some calibrations,”_ Garrus answered, clearly still asleep.

 _“...you're still asleep. Great. C'mon, you bosh'tet. Calibrating in your sleep can't be safe,”_ Tali stated firmly then there was a bit of a scuffle. _“I'm not taking no for an answer.”_

 _“Hmm, I guess I could calibrate you now, Tali.”_

Ash made quiet noise of shock as Kaidan and Shepard stared at each other, not sure what to think. There was a bang against the Mako of Garrus hitting one of the tires after Tali hit him. Another shuffle of movement outside and the sound of Garrus being hefted up by Tali over her shoulders.

 _“You are lucky you're not in armor, and I don't have my shotgun. You stupid turian...”_ Tali muttered almost fondly as her steps started to walk away from the Mako.

Soon, the elevator pinged, and they could breathe easy inside the Mako. “We should go,” Shepard spoke up after a few moments of making sure the elevator had left. “We can get up the crew deck using the maintenance shafts across from the elevator, so we don't run into Tali on her way back down.”

Kaidan raised an eyebrow. “You're pretty well-versed in sneaking around the Normandy, Shepard.”

“Hey, I'm an infiltrator. I always make sure to know my surroundings, and every way I can use,” Shepard replied as Ash finished packing her bag with the blanket as well to get it cleaned. “Ready?”

Ash slung her bag over her shoulder. “Let's get out of here before anyone else ventures down here,” she said.

“Agreed,” Shepard answered as he opened the Mako door. “Oh, and we should meet in my quarters tomorrow night. A lot less cramped.”

“...so, we're doing this,” Ash spoke up as they left the Mako. “And don't think you're off the hook on the secret voyeurism, skipper.”

Shepard opened the maintenance shaft with a cringe. “Okay, yeah. I deserve whatever you guys throw at me.”

“You might regret that, Shepard,” Kaidan murmured.

“Yeah, you haven't seen Kaidan when he's in charge,” Ash added with a wink as she began to climb up the maintenance.

Shepard stared at Kaidan. “Seriously?” he asked incredulously.

Kaidan shrugged. “I guess you'll find out tomorrow night, sir,” he stated flatly, but his slight grin gave away his amusement before he headed up the maintenance shaft after Ash.

Shepard shook his head then grinned. “Tomorrow night's going to be...interesting,” he murmured then followed them up to the crew deck, closing the maintenance shaft door behind him.


End file.
